9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize