I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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