Cold hands, warm shart.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
