is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
