Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
