I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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