worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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