Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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