Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
