I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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