Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
