I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
