Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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