Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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