she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
