My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize