haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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