hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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