hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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