I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize