kristin has been a bad kristin
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
