That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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