tell your sister to shave her snatch
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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