If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
