dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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