My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
