shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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