yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
