So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
