We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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