I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
