i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
