You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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