he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
