Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
