I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What a dumb baby whore.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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