the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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