I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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