somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
