we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
whose parrot is this?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
