You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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