You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
