I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
