That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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