once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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