Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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