I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you never un-have a 4some
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
