i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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