dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
