I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
