just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
