I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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