I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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