why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
