I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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