No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
