careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The adults are the big ones right?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
