Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
