I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
