Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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