can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
