we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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