Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
