fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
