why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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