I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
