When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize