mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
