yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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