look no pants
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
