Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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