So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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