I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
