I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
