anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
