check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
