And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
