Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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