Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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