Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
