I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
