She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
