Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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