sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
