Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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