Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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