Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
