this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize