living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize