I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
