how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
