is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
